The List of Men Who Knew Men


Jesus:  

The reason you are wearing Nikes right now is thanks to this dude. It is a thankless job stopping wars rather than ending them. No matter how many deaths have been in the guy’s name, I am certain that there have been less thanks to him. Think of every hand stayed by the fear of mortal sin.

So, Nike is the product of peace. The product of not spending so much time at each other’s throats, and instead investing that time in the pursuit of good footwear.

Rumour is, the swish is the consolation prize- after finding out the cross was already taken.

How did he know men though? Well he was all about no-judgement.

It is not the words that a wife foams after her man returns from his meetings in the village square. It is not the shrieking. It is not the extra burdens he carries for no profit. It IS the judgement that kills goodwill between the sexes.

I have never married a woman that is not a high practitioner in the arts of making me feel bad. I mean, even when I tell her who I sleep with, she still gets upset.

Shakespeare:

I think it is likely that he was sexually ambidextrous. But that’s not really my business. He obviously had a very strong liking of the ladies. Even if they were little boys, dressed as ladies. That’s it. That’s why he is on the list.

Russel Brand:

He is the Oscar Wilde of our age. I think Oscar would be groaning at his point of departure right now. And I think Russell would be delighted with that.

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